This week we had my grandmothers viewing and funeral. It was a difficult time during those couple of days. I would cry anytime I had to talk about her the first couple of days. There were times when I would be sitting and I would start crying because a memory of her came to me. It has been a few days now since the funeral and I still get sad thinking and talking about her but I am at least not crying every time now. When I sit now and think about what has happened and what I have seen I am amazed by it all. The one thing I was able to observe in this time of pain was the kindness and support from the rest of our relatives and friends towards our family. There is so much kindness, caring and support that is out there. It is astonishing that I did not see it before. I am learning every day to observe and do more, even if it is something small as like holding a door open for someone to helping move pallets of stuff for someone.
One of the acts of kindness I did and am still doing is that when I make my lunch for work I make another lunch as well. I take the extra lunch with me and give it to the homeless man who lives under the bridge by my work. The first time I did it he cried when I gave him the food. Now when I see him he thanks me and it warms my heart when I am able to help. It makes me appreciate things a lot more and to not overlook homeless people.
My family has been spending the last 2 weeks at the hospital day and night. Everyone had come together to take different shifts so that someone was always at the hospital with my grandmother who was dying, due to her kidneys shutting down. The staff had been so kind and accommodating to us all while we were there. The doctor said that she would not make it more than 2 weeks probably. I had gone to work on Wednesday the 11th and had a normal day. I came home at 8 pm and was talking and laughing with my stepfather and had just put my dirty dishes in the sink when my mother called and said that my grandmother had died at 7:45 pm. I had begun crying immediately and my roommate help me a lot just letting me cry and talking to me about how she is in a better place now and not in pain any more. It hurt very much even though we all knew it was going to happen soon.
This has been tough for me I have slipped right back into where I was before. I have not been keeping up on my blogging and getting in the alliance group like I should be. When it comes to getting on the computer I get all nervous and anxious. I have a real hard time writing a blog and the thing is, is that I know it is not that hard and yet I tend to make it hard. I am grateful for this course and having been introduced to it. When I started this course the first time I was so closed off from being me that I didn’t know who I was. I had so much cement built up on me that I was living and yet not living. This is the second time that I am taking this course and I am a lot different from where I was before but it is but a meer fraction of what I know I can be and some of those old habits are still lingering. I am doing this course this second time and I am having some short coming on my end but I am correcting that now. I want to be someone who says what she is going to do and does it.
I have not been keeping up with the Master keys at all like I should be. This is my second time going through and I reverted back to some of my old ways. I did get on the call on Sunday and I needed to hear what Mark was saying. I DO NOT want to quit. I am going to finish Strong. I will be posting a blog by the end of this week and starting everything I need to do again.
I’m so looking forward to the Sunday webinar. I’m so excited for all I’m learning and changing in my life by being a part of this amazing training with MKMMA. The tools are right there for me to look at everyday and practice. Thank you to the team at MKMMA for everything. Going into each of these weeks I can see that I’m now starting to get a routine down with reading the Scroll, My Blue Print, Master Keys, my DMP, my chore cards, etc. and sitting still for 15 minutes. I know everything we do is steeped in habit. We need to continue the action over and over and eventually it will become the habit we are attempting to create. I will and am going to make this a new habit and continue to grow to become the person I want and know that I will eventually become.